How to Watch a Movie 101

That’s the idea, even if its a fairly long post as opposed to a comment. I’ve never done this before, but I doubt it’ll be too hard with this one. Entire post reproduced for ease of drafting, but I’ve linked too, so I don’t think there’s a blogging ethics issue :).

Blogitto, Ergo Sum: Gone with the Wind

Yeah, the movie ‘Gone with the Wind’ is an American classic and all that but I wanted to see how mean I could be to an ‘epic film’. What can I say? I guess I derive satisfaction out of thinking differently. So, here goes.

The movie begins with a couple of supposedly handsome men taking shots at Scarlett O’Hara, the childish lead heroine in the movie. It has been made very mechanical and unbelievable. There is no way a sensible woman would have found it, in the least, flattering. The lady, little girl rather, has been made to witness the Civil War waged by the Yankees, three marriages and infinite amount of flirting during the course of the movie. It seems more like a deliberate attempt at squeezing war, romance and stupidity in one big package.

There’s a reason it’s an EPIC. It has a lot of ACTION. ADVENTURE. HEROISM. INSCRUTABLE CHARACTERS. HISTORY. Or, as you call it, war,romance and stupidity. It represents the emotions and hopes of a community that was endlessly vilified in the aftermath of the American Civil War. And the tempestuous Scarlett played by the divinely beautiful Vivien Leigh is more playful nymph than child, at least according to every red blooded male in the world.

The girls in the movie have been portrayed as gullible and worth only to be flirted with. The change that comes in her, as shown later in the movie, is even more outrageous. There seems to be no trace of the old Scarlet in her at all, until when Ashley comes back and confuses her. Perhaps it’s his presence that brings out the unrealistic, impulsive part of her.

How can you not understand that that’s precisely the point!!! The whole movie is the tale of how the War changed lives and characters, how the sweet, tomboyish, beautiful Scarlett becomes someone desperate to make the most out of her tattered life, in the only way available to her at the time: by marrying a rich and able man. It’s a movie that that tells us how a woman can stay in love with a man in the face of the greatest difficulties. It’s a tale of how the love of your life may turn out to be someone you couldn’t possibly have imagined in that place. It is NOT a movie that takes any sides whatsoever on the feminist cause.

Scarlett: As God is my witness, as God is my witness they’re not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!

There is a line in the movie ‘She’s after your bow now’ which clearly removes any doubt about the intention of the ladies in the movie. It is hard to believe that she agrees to dance with Mr. Butler, who she had addressed as a dog in the first part of the movie, for no apparent reason. The impulsiveness of the character, Scarlett, is that of a child while the role she plays in the movie is that of a fine lady.

It’s BEAU.Beau.Beau.Beau.Beau.Beau.Beau.

And yet again: the complex reasons that lead to her dancing with Rhett Butler form the crux of the story. The impulsiveness that so surprises you is what makes Scarlett O’ Hara one of the most enduring characters of American literature. If you don’t understand that, there’s really no point proceeding further. Rewind, and start over.

The men in the movie are not as refined as they are supposed to be with respect to the theme of the movie either. They address Mr. Wilkes as the ‘Captain of the Troop’ and they don’t even rebel against him when he says that there shall be no war. What could get more cowardly than that! The way Mrs. Hamilton says, “Oh dear, oh dear!” and faints is nothing less than melodramatic. It’s hard to miss that Scarlett seems turned on when Melanie cries on her shoulder when the list of those who died in the war comes. The scene gets, quite interestingly, abruptly terminated.

Oh come on.I mean, seriously.What sort of IDIOTS would complain when told by their commanding officer that they wouldn’t have to fight? I certainly hope you give regular testosterone shots to whoever you marry, because he’s not going to be able to make enough on his own for this sort of machismo.

Evil little joke running around in my head, but I think that may be crossing the limit 😀 . For all those with imagination, it involves Scarlett, a crying Melanie and yes, testosterone shots.

Even in the middle of the civil war, Mr. Butler keeps his cool. When she asks what he was laughing at, he answers back that he was laughing at her. He looks so calm that it seems that might actually have been organizing the entire uproar. After the war is over, she sees the gory remains that the war has left behind. Even at this point of time, all she has to say is, “Dirty Yankees!”

And again, again, AGAIN! Rhett Butler is portrayed as the kind of man who simply does not CARE. Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.Get it? Except of course he really does love Scarlett until the very end, and simply pretends to be unperturbed. She treats him as the man he pretends to be till he actually becomes just that.

Rhett:

Take a good look my dear. It’s an historic moment you can tell your grandchildren about – how you watched the Old South fall one night.

[to Scarlett] I’ve always loved you. But you’ve never given me a chance to show it.

Overall, the movie seems way too far fetched to believe. There are a few characters who are suffocated with too much to deliver in the movie while there are others who have little or no relevance. It is an over-ambitious movie that has managed to convince people that it is good entertainment, of the laugh at the movie genre. As far as the ten Academy Awards that it won are concerned, I’d say, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”(Quotes from the movie here)

Yay. Congratulations. At least you managed a snappy ending. Now if only I’d bothered to do that statistical analysis Randall Monroe says he did, I could’ve told you just what the chances were that at least something would be good.

PS: Staying pissed is injurious to health. 😀

SUMMER GLAU

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11 thoughts on “How to Watch a Movie 101

  1. Well done my “man”!
    I hope you are aware that those who live in glass houses can’t really risk vandalising others places.I think you’d do well to extend that to blogs.For someone who calls himself a perfectionist,you sure are dimwitted.
    I gather you like attacking people’s blogs on counts of grammatical error etc.
    Well i think its about time you got a taste of your own medicine.
    This refers to your use of the term nymph.
    You should know that nymph merely refers to a woman,and has absolutely nothing to do with the sexual behaviour of the subject.(http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/nymph?view=uk)
    The term you’re dumb little brain was looking for is nymphomaniac or nympho for short.Please never make the STUPID mistake of interchanging the two terms as it could end unpleasantly for you.
    Also soldiers aren’t chickens like you,they’re courageous
    and committed to their cause which is why they’re out there fighting and not safely at home with their mommy.
    Boy,looks like you could do with a few testosterone shots just to remind you that you’re a man because you seem to have the guts and courage of a rat.
    Refer the quotes on the usage of the word man above.
    I could’ve taken your entire blog to pieces but unfortunately i dont have that much time.
    I think this small dosage should suffice for you,rat that you are..
    tchao!!
    Been a real pleasure screwing you.

  2. Ohkkk… so

    @rocky, just in case its not obvious.

    a) I know exactly what a nymph is. For the next time you pick a fight on blogs not directed at you, it doesn’t refer to just a “woman” but to one of a race of semi-human creature in Greek Mythology, famed for their beauty. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nymph .Although if you’d bothered to read, you could have found an inkling of that on the link you posted as well. I also know what a nymphomaniac is. And no, that’s not what I meant. Why would I? I merely meant to compliment Vivien Leigh’s looks, not comment on her sexual appetite.
    b) Your very constructive criticism is a little confusing. Am I meant to be a chicken or a rat? Because you seem to think I’m both. Chickrat? Ratchick? Chit? RACK? Which ever it is, I hope you alert whichever elite military/scientific organization you obviously work for, what with the intelligence,tact and civility that you so clearly demonstrate, that you’ve found a new sentient species.
    c) Who the fuck ARE you!!??

  3. @rocky
    lol…I could use the same first sentence to start this comment as you did.I hope you are aware that those who live in glass houses can’t really risk vandalizing other’s places.I think you’d do well to extend that to comments.You have proved yourself as dimwitted as a rock.
    Well I think it is about time you got a taste of your own medicine.
    1.Quote
    “Well i think its about time you got a taste of your own medicine”
    The word ‘I’ is always to be used in capital.

    2. Quote
    “The term you’re dumb little brain was looking for is nymphomaniac or nympho for short.Please never make the STUPID mistake of interchanging the two terms as it could end unpleasantly for you.”
    The words you’re and your have two different meanings and are not to be interchanged (http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your)

    3.Quote
    “I gather you like attacking people’s blogs on counts of grammatical error etc.”
    There should be at least two terms,illustrations etc before ‘etc’ (http://www.ag.iastate.edu/aginfo/word_usage.php)

    4.Quote
    “I think this small dosage should suffice for you,rat that you are..”
    I think the expression you are looking for is
    “I think this small dosage should suffice for you,the rat that you are..”

    You seem to be under the delusion that the only thing men have is testosterone. Sorry to disappoint you but you are unique in that respect.Other men also have something called the brain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain) which makes decisions that are not impulsive.

    If you knew a bit about English grammar you would realise that the term nymph is not describing the sexual behavior of the subject.The term playful is describing the sexual behavior of the subject.

    I could’ve taken your entire comment to pieces but unfortunately I don’t have that much time. Oh wait, I think I have done just that.
    tchao!!
    Been a real pleasure screwing you.

  4. Firstly, thanks for this. I absolutely appreciate it.
    I have an uncanny liking for being different. What shall I say?
    It’s the very fact that the movie goes along with the ‘epic’ tag that invited me to attack it.
    >>Action! – Yeah, right! You call this action?! Which world are you from?
    >>Adventure! – Heard of MI?
    >>Heroism! – If you define it as non stop flirting and acting manly albeit failing miserably at it.
    By this definition, even you are a hero. Congrats, man!
    >>Inscrutable charaters! – No arguments there.
    >>History! – Er, yeah. All the reviews do come along with the American Civil war in them, but well, bleh.
    You know the fantasies of every red blooded male in the world.
    >>Rich and able man. Your line has cleared any doubt of what I meant. From which angle does he look able? Does the fact that
    “it’s his presence that brings out the unrealistic, impulsive part of her” help him in any way?
    It has not only taken a side on the feminist cause but has done it in the most pathetic way imaginable.
    Ah, well, “To err is human; to forgive devine”, ain’t it?
    Enduring characters and that illogical choice don’t go together no matter how hard you try.
    For once, you’re right. Idiots don’t complain. Men do. People with self respect do. You have clearly no fundaes on action, adventure or heroism, whatsoever.
    Get yourself those shots, man. (Irony)
    Thanks for almost complimenting me towards the end.
    PS: Right back at ya!

  5. @ culsec:

    LOLMAX!!! I look upon you with new respect.

    @Leela:

    Fair enough… but like I said, I wanted to see how easily I could tear apart your blog post 🙂 .

    >>>>Action! – Yeah, right! You call this action?! Which world are you from?
    Er…it has a whole bloody war. How is that not action?
    >>>>Adventure! – Heard of MI?
    Actually, nobody had, way back in 1939.
    >>>>History! – Er, yeah. All the reviews do come along with the American Civil war in them, but well, bleh.
    “Bleh” is as “bleh” does. Just make sure you never have to know anything about it.
    >>You know the fantasies of every red blooded male in the world.

    (Ok, this could be a cheap shot,but) I’m guessing your knowledge is restricted to the fact that they’re not about you?

    >>Rich and able man. Your line has cleared any doubt of what I meant. From which angle does he look able? Does the fact that
    “it’s his presence that brings out the unrealistic, impulsive part of her” help him in any way?

    Clark Gable is quite able, actually, he had quite a reputation for it 🙂 . And a couple of million is rich in any time, but particularly so in the mid 1800s, with a war going on. The one whose presence brings out these parts, by the way, is Ashley Wilkes, not Butler, who is the rich and able man, just in case it wasn’t clear.

    >>It has not only taken a side on the feminist cause but has done it in the most pathetic way imaginable.
    Put fundaes. Not really getting what you mean, and I doubt that’s my brain. For one thing, during the period the book was written, there WAS no feminist movement to speak of.

    >>Enduring characters and that illogical choice don’t go together no matter how hard you try.
    Tell that to the people who gave it ten Oscars and voted it 8.1/10 on imdb.

    >>Get yourself those shots, man. (Irony)

    WOW. Such subtle wit. Be careful, or our dear friend rocky might ask you for a training course.

    PS: I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking this post in exactly the right spirit. I know these little jibes at my manhood are derived in no way from your frustration at not making a suitable comeback.

  6. @culsec:

    I know, I just couldn’t pass it up 🙂 . I mean, that’s a line that means absolutely nothing, it just stands there waiting to be taken advantage of. Also, I don’t think it;s a whole lot cheaper than “Get yourself those shots, man. (Irony)

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