It’s barely 5 AM, and I’ve had less than 2 hours of sleep, from 2 to 3:45 AM. I woke up for no reason, felt aroused for almost no reason, and haven’t been able to sleep since*. I’ve been tossing and turning, feeling lonelier than I’ve felt in so, so long… 10 minutes ago I finally gave up on the attempt and started watching Quantum of Solace from where I left off yesterday night. I can’t seem to think, and I can’t seem to write coherently, either: this mediocre attempt at penning down my thoughts is going so, so slowly, and feels so much jerkier than usual. I’m really hungry, but I can’t find any food for 2 more hours unless I’m willing to go outside and search for an “open” street vendor, and even that is unlikely at this time. And now I’m randomly surfing the net for pictures of Olga Kurylenko.**
Why is this happening? Yesterday night was perfectly fine, even good. I felt surprisingly sleepy during class and consequently bunked 2 hours- oh yeah, broke the New Year’s resolution; I’d broken the “study at least a little bit every day” one already, as well- right before the lunch break, leading to 2.5 hours of interrupted sleep before lunch, which is extremely rare for me. The worst part is that I have class from 8 to 4 tomorrow-today, dammit- with only a few breaks in between, a classical dance show to take in at night, and then the official start of Saarang on Thursday, with all the work that goes with it. If I could’ve picked a day to have less than 2 hours of sleep on, it wouldn’t have been today; not to mention that I wouldn’t want it to be because I felt unexpectedly depressed, too lonely even to retreat into the somewhat childish fantasies which are usually my unfailing last resorts.
Maybe I should study or something, make the most of this time when I can’t sleep anyway, especially since I’ll almost certainly end up skipping out on a class or two to catch up on sleep. Oh, I know I’m not going to, I just thought about it.
I can’t seem to bring this to any sort of coherent conclusion, and I have no idea why I’m writing this anyway. Hope I feel better the next time I post…
*In the interest of full disclosure, yes, I did try the obvious remedy.
**Ok, so I’d probably be doing that even if I were perfectly happy. But still.