The “What If” Meme

(Via kalafudra)

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Seriously? No one.

2.You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Erm.  Again, there’s no one who annoys me simply by existing.

3.Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

No single person. Have impulses every now and then, but they pass very quickly, and it’s always “manufactured anger.” Mostly manufactured out of boredom. (Yeah, I loved Fight Club).

4.What is your favorite cheese?

I don’t know, actually. For one thing, there are only so many that I’ve tried. I like some Blue cheeses, but probably not on a regular basis. Plain old cheddar, I think.

5.You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Bread, cheese, bacon, ham,tomato…more cheese?

6.You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

I did have a brief Megan Fox phase that ended with Transformers 2, but it’s pretty much always been Natalie Portman in my more “tender” fantasies.

7.You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Avril Lavigne, although there is the whole married issue. But this is in the best of all possible worlds, right? So I guess I don’t have to worry about that.

Wait, Carmen Electra is technically a singer. Her! I pick her!

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Save up for a new laptop.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Do I get free tickets for friends, too? If not, somewhere nice with people I know. Most appealing place that meets the description is London, right now.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

(I have a fairly specific answer here, but it wouldn’t make sense unless I divulge details about other people that I have no right to publicize.)

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

…Glenfidditch, but I say this without any real conviction.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

WOODSTOCK! (@kalafudra: I didn’t just overlook this, I mean it too 🙂 )

13.You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Everybody gets a fair share of everything. After that, it’s pretty much the same rules as any enlightened society.

14.You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

Dammit, my life is a cliche. I can’t really think of anything specific here. Probably something like friends. Something that’s just plain old funny in a reasonably witty way, without sounding ridiculously pretentious.

15.What is your favorite curse word?

Blood and bloody ashes! (Seriously, isn’t that the coolest swear word ever?)

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Try tugging at the cloth and see if they do something.

17.Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

Laptop. Or whatever backup device has all my data.

18.The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Write a quick letter telling everyone I like that I like them, and try and stage it so that at least a hundred people are watching me when I pop. Will aslo require that the Angel of Death makes it look cool when I do, though. A literal pop of some sort would be perfectly adequate.

19.You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

Mastery of the space time continuum in general, which would involve teleportation and slowing/speeding up time. (I have a feeling reversing it will just cause problems that I won’t be able to handle.)

20.You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

My hypothetical past, I’m guessing. Sex with Natalie Portman? 😛

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I haven’t had any horrible experiences that I could isolate with enough certainty of not changing a whole lot else.

22.You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?

When I was much younger I remember wanting to go live in Barbados, or some other tiny island at the edge of the world. Now it doesn’t seem quite so appealing. I don’t really know. The US? New York, in particular. Assuming I had the money, that is.

23.This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Absolutely no idea. Why does this apply for everyone? Does everyone else know their one favourite bar?

24.Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?

Jacob’s, I suppose. He’ll be more excited than everyone else 🙂 .

25.The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Alan Turing. He’s the celebrity I feel most sorry for.

26.The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My grandfather, I suppose. I can’t say I miss him or anything because he died when I was barely 2 years old, and I have only secondhand accounts of what he was like, but it would be nice to get to know him.

27.What’s your theme song?

I’m thinking this up right now, but…the theme song from Scrubs? Superman, by Lazlo Bane.


9 thoughts on “The “What If” Meme

  1. Pingback: Thoms Place 4 Well Whatever… » Sunday Stealing – The “What If” Meme

    • But haven’t you read The Secret? You just need to wish hard enough and the universe will provide it for you! AND give you chocolate!

      I’ve already packed my bags and am just waiting for the announcement that time travel has finally been achieved.

      • Haha. I still can’t believe you actually went and saw a documentary about it 😀

      • You know, I really was actually forced to watch it… We watched it during a course I attend. [Of course, I could have left the room but then my attendance would have dropped etc etc.]

        But I learned an important lesson: You can sell people everything.

  2. Lol. My first thought was “ooh, really!?” and then my subconscious chimed in with “Yeah, now there’s really nothing standing between you, right?”

    And you’re welcome to it 🙂 .

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