Black Swan, abridged.

Black Swan: The Abridged Script


Natalie, you are perfect as the White Swan, but terrible as the Black Swan!  Meanwhile, Mila Kunis is the ideal Black Swan, but she’s no White Swan!  If only there were any way at all to remedy this predicament, but there is no solution at all!


Actually, it’s not really that uncommon for Swan Lake to have two different dancers for–


No solution at all!  Woe is me!  Natalie, the Black Swan is supposed to be seductive!  Benjamin, would you f*ck this girl?


Natalie Portman?  No, I’d kick Natalie F*cking Portman out of bed because she can’t dance perfectly.  For the record, I’d also tell a naked Mila Kunis to go pound sand if she couldn’t name all fifty states.  Jackass.

PS: Should I just get a tumblr or is this not that weird?


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