Is This Funny?

The ending is actually borrowed from this thread on reddit: I got stuck and took the easy way out. I’ll be submitting this along with this and that explanation, which I’m finding really painful to write. Not so much in that I don’t know what to say about the stories, just that I feel like I’m killing them with every key I press. I wrote a little bit of a couple of other stories, but I ultimately just went with this because I kept getting stuck and this was so much easier to finish.

The End is Near

“The End is Near!” shouted the grubby old man on the street corner.

“A little late, aren’t you?” I muttered as I walked past. The streets were already emptying out- so strange, for 4 o clock on a Wednesday. Of course, most people were already where they wanted to be. They had sent off everyone that “mattered” to the shelters- all that was left was a society of beauticians and real-estate agents, the crummy ones who couldn’t shovel up enough to save themselves. Which was almost everyone. I was doing fine, of course. Only the churches had better returns these days than the entertainment industry. After we were given our timeline – a year for impact – those who couldn’t buy their way into a shelter were either frantically trying to buy their way into heaven, or spend it all as quickly as possible, before it became worthless. A few of my friends had joined the faith brigade, but the rest of us are doing fine with just the beer light to guide us.

Most people who could afford to quit their jobs had already done so- for the rest of us it was just a question of figuring out how much we wanted to blow out before we got blown up. I only quit yesterday, after Nicky told me that if I waited too long I’d have nothing to spend it on and besides, wasn’t sex easy to come by in a world where a billion teenagers just wanted to make sure they didn’t die virgins? What would I rather die doing, anyway?

I wonder if the people with families have it better or worse. I’m pretty sure kids can only make it worse. How do you explain to a kid that he’ll never be tall enough to go on that ride?

The Christians are giving out scary comic books in the schools now, and no one dares to say anything. I hear there’s some farmer’s cooperative trying to build their own shelters out in the country. Just holes in the ground, of course- if that was enough then it would be the moles that inherit the earth. But I figured, maybe I should find them anyway.

A bunch of us decided to throw the mother of all parties to celebrate. We got every bit of premium everything that we could round up at short notice-you know the first law that stopped being enforced after enough cops quit? The ban on recreational drugs. Addiction is much less of a worry when you don’t have a future to wreck- and we invited just about everybody we could still find. We rented out the entire penthouse floor of the finest hotel in the city, by which I mean we took it over and hooked up a generator so we could have some electricity. All the girls were pretty and all the guys tried very hard to keep up. The timing was perfect. The party was a huge success. Our friends invited their friends, who invited their friends, and so on. Even the copious quantities of alcohol that we had stocked up didn’t suffice. The line for the cocktails ran right across the room. The meteorite dominated the glass ceiling now, and with a pretty girl on my arms, all I needed was something to wet these dry, tired lips. I decided to try something non-alcoholic, for a change. And thank God, there was no punch line.

5 thoughts on “Is This Funny?

  1. The idea is that you have this absurd joke at the end of what is a progressively sadder story (I was quite proud of “How do you explain to a kid that he’ll never be tall enough to go on that ride?”, to be honest 🙂 ). But I guess it doesn’t really work very well.

    Basically, something similar to what’s described here:

      • Modified it a bit, just playing with the style here and there, but didn’t have the time/was too lazy to do a whole lot. Besides. We had Kafka as an instance of a humorous text in this course. I got the feeling that he might like this sort of thing. Hopefully all the analysis I did will convince the prof that it is what I say it is, even though it doesn’t feel like it 🙂 .

  2. Okay, if your teacher thinks that Kafka is humorous, it probably doesn’t matter what you do. Because then his sense of humor is way beyond the measurable spectrum.

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